How do I tell a guy I like him?
How do I tell a guy I like him?
This goes for a guy or girl liking a guy or girl. Ask to speak with them, that it’s personal and you need a few minutes one on one. When speaking, directly say you have feelings for them. You don’t have to act like you think you’re a confident “stud” out that it’s a gift you are coming forward with, it will feel exposing because it is. If they don’t feel the same way back, please respect it. If they do or don’t, you just saved yourself an endless amount of crappy young person stereotype experiences.
And if they do, you both know without a shadow of a doubt that you both like each other because you were direct therefore they will respond direct. If they don’t, again, respect their feelings. You do like them and that means you want them to be happy. Let them know that if that it’s the case. There is no reason you can’t be friends if you handle it the right way. But if you end up “just friends” please remember you like them, which means that their friendship is not a loss but every bit as much a victory as any other positive thing in your life.
They may also need time to think because it hadn’t occurred to them something with you was even a possibility. Obviously don’t force the issue ever. Being direct doesn’t mean being a jerk. If they need time, let them take it without pressure. It could mean anything so do not make assumptions. People often need time to process things.
Remember, this person is a separate entity. They may have an intuitive thought about your feelings, they may have no idea. There is no reason to mess with their feelings and your own by doing stupid things. Just say what you feel and don’t act like a salesperson. You can take no for an answer because supposedly this person’s thoughts and feelings matter.
I hope that made sense!
More Answers / Ask Me Anything:
I’m having a serious problem with how a lot of people are handling the Supreme Gentleman. To most people (most likely not that those reading, mind you), it seems like this is an issue of mental illness.
To some degree, yes. It is. You have to be messed up to do what he did. There’s a line he crossed that the typical “Nice Guy” doesn’t. A barrier that just wasn’t entirely there. They are really messed up freaks by my standards but not killers. Clearly there is something different with the Supreme Gentleman, but if Nice Guy Syndrome wasn’t so prevalent, would he have made the jump he made? I don’t think so.
Nice Guy Syndrome is, to me, one of the more sinister forms of misogyny. Part of the reason is that it brands itself. It seems to have an outreach program. It says it is something. Something that it isn’t. Specifically, that those guys are nice when they pretty clearly hate the idea women are people.
And that is the most important part: serious hatred for women as people. People who make their their own decisions, make their own mistakes and celebrate their own triumphs. They get to choose who they want to be with, and what it is that attracts them to another human being is their own business. If muscles are attractive to them, guess what? That is allowed because women are people. People are allowed not to love a massive whiner who says “m’lady” while intrusively performing chivalrous actions even though they don’t know if it’s actually what the woman actually wants, and even just when to actually do it.
If a woman wants to be with or simply finds a jock, gym-going “brute” - even with little or no respect for women - more interesting, it’s perfectly fine. If she wants to be with a scientist or a philosopher, that’s fine as well. It’s all completely perfect. That’s called freedom. That’s how it works. It’s called agency.
You don’t automatically have respect for women when you think you know better than them. In fact, you actually have none. You think women are slutty when they choose literally anyone that isn’t you? You don’t respect women. You don’t even like the idea of them, in reality. You look at women like Pokemon, in truth. You have a favorite type, you have purposes for them. You want them for a reason, not for many reasons. They aren’t multi-dimensional, they are just above a tool/instrument. If they could just only say “Wantsex, Wantsex!” (in lieu of “Pika, Pika!”) instead of having conversations about things a person might care about.
These people are collectors, just like all the other misogynists.
This attitude is why this happened. The whole “you won’t fuck me despite the fact I treat you with a bare minimum of slightly decent behavior? YOU BITCH. FUCK YOU CUNT.” is why this happened. Not mental illness. This guy would not, and I repeat would not, have had his sights so intensely set on women if this attitude had been addressed societally at some point.
There is a breed of man right now which truly hate the idea of women as people. They see them as puzzles at best, pets at worst. People don’t have to make sense, they don’t have to look a certain way, and they don’t have to like you. You feed a dog and they love you. They hate the idea that women aren’t like that.
And women aren’t like that. Even the most “low-maintenance” female adult is more complex than that. And they HATE this. Even if they don’t know it, they just haven’t sorted it out consciously. They HATE the idea of a multi-dimensional, thoughtful, independent-of-their-own-desires ENTITY that operates in the same way they do themselves.
It’s what’s encouraged in Men’s Rights communities. They all think they are perfect for women, its women that have it wrong. You’re nurtured to hate the idea of women as people, so the fact women ARE people makes you hate women. And that’s the absolutely inevitable conclusion when dealing with Nice Guy Syndrome. The Nice Guy isn’t nice; the Nice Guy thinks he knows better than both other men and the object (notice the usage of this word) of his affections and since he is only passively aggressive, that he somehow is so much better than other men that don’t even know.
This mindset was the Supreme Gentleman’s (and one you can bet your ass my son will never have). I call him that rather than the Virgin Killer (the media’s name for him) because he is one of many who think this way. He was just the one ill enough to go that far. You probably are somehow connected, either through a friend or directly, to someone who isn’t mentally ill and has literally the *exact* same thought process as this violent killer. Think about that.
…is an issue that particularly bothers me. I’m obviously a white male so I generally can’t suffer from it (pay decreases for the same job men occupy from being a woman, then being a darker woman). But the thing that most bothers me (if you take out the most obvious reason: it’s wrong) is that we’ve already passed laws that say it’s not allowed.
They just break those laws is all.
That freaks me out, if they can ignore something that big, what other laws just don’t matter? I eat food regulated by laws which exist for a similar purpose… What are they doing with my food if something as basic as the idea a woman is a person who deserves to be paid the same as me is ignored even though it’s legally required? Why aren’t they held accountable? A poor person steals $20 worth of food they can’t afford and all hell rains down upon them. WHAT A TERRIBLE PERSON. But enough employers break the Equal Pay Act that the average pay of certain people is seven to twenty-two percent lower based on their (given) sex and race? Do you realize the kind of numbers have to be at play here? Massive amounts of employers are not paying women fairly. Insane numbers… This country is one of the biggest in the world, the number of anything to affect an average are beyond cray.
This is why we did Awarewolf the way we did it, too. The titular character comes and tells us the problem, then reinforces recognition of the attitude that created it. Instead of saying “women should be paid equally!” it should be “women aren’t being paid equally and it’s because they aren’t looked at as full people.” Then people mentally say “this is fucking wrong” and get all angry and next time someone brings up equal pay the image in their head is of an asshole wolf man saying “it’s because they aren’t people!”
I hope other people not only grasp the gravity of the actual issue but also stop making comedy that “solves” society’s problems. Solving them gives the viewer an endorphin rush. All is right in the world. The problem is solved. But it’s not. The person just saw something idealist and maybe even agreed with it. Then they felt good about themselves for being a good person (and should, honestly) then go about their life. The problem is the subconscious is filing the issue in the solved drawer. You don’t get pissed about an issue that has been solved.
Comedians: please start pissing people off more. And I don’t mean “be an asshole,” I mean depict and describe assholes. Do it harshly and let them get their way in your work. Just make sure people know it’s absurd. Make them an anthropomorphic wolf or an octopus. Or a lamp.
I’ve gotten off topic. I honestly don’t get why it’s even vaguely controversial to talk about women’s pay needing to actually be equal to men’s for the same job. Yet they argue about it on the news all the time. After posting a video about it, some sports dudebro starts trying to shit on me over twitter. Like could you ask for that to be more typical? What the fuck is this even an issue for? How are we, in 2014, confused about whether or not women are paid equally for equal work? How are we not demanding it? How is it not something that happened already? How is an equal pay work law just ignored in the way it is? It’s shameful this is even still a topic of discussion and not a chapter in a history book. What is our excuse for being THIS behind?